Questallia

I heard this request every single working morning for about one year. My colleague was eager to work, but she needed precision. My precision. And my precision tasks for her were there, day after day.
Then, there was the afternoon time, when a second line was breaking the silence: “Done! Let’s go!

I was never able to comment on her “Done! Let’s go!, although I always felt that something was missing there. It was unbelievable how she got me to tell her what to do, then she did all the tasks sharp and careful; briefly, she barely did any mistakes, yet I was not happy with her, nor I was able to express that in words. I remembered this period today, when reading in Seth Godin’s blog a post named Done. I know what I should have been unconsciously thinking of my robo-colleague:

“The challenge is NOT to empty your inbox. The challenge is not to get your boss to tell you what to do. The challenge is to ask a two part question: What next? What now? Asking is the hard part.”

Now imagine the challenge of having such a robo-type boss. I had this pleasure once: every Monday morning, he spread tasks all over us, then all he wanted was to see those things done and to see us all coming on time to the office and laying there for 8 hours, while he was periodically checking on the coffee maker to see who’s drinking the most coffee (it was paid by the company and he was against wasting company’s resources). No questions, no exceptions, no thinking.

One day, I asked myself “What next? What now?” and the answer was there: “I quit!”. Why did I have to wait two months until doing this? Because, as Seth says, asking is the hard part.

When I was a kid, I remember being fascinated by books. I was able to read 8-10 hours in a row, stopping only for physiological needs, then coming back to my book, eager to go through the story, to see what was next. I became part of the story, I was in the book, impersonating the character I liked most, feeling his emotions, speaking his words and thinking his thoughts.
When I grew up, the books giving me that feeling became very rare, maybe because of all the daily responsibilities and happenings, which made my focus on reading rather difficult and loose.

Recently, I had the occasion to experience that childhood kind of reading again, when I came across a fascinating story, written in such a way that it made me almost not being able to stop reading. I’m talking about Ken Wilber’s book, Grace and Grit, Spirituality and Healing in the Life and Death of Treya Killam Wilber. Ken Wilber is an American philosopher whose main work is to develop an “integral theory if consciousness”. Ken Wilber’s work has been translated in more than 20 countries. Grace and Grit is the story of a five-years fight of Ken and Treya with her breast cancer and their journey towards spiritual healing. The story is so touching that it made me even burst into tears several times, although I don’t usually do that. It alternates two points of view, two voices: one is the voice of Ken, the caregiver and the other one is Treya’s voice, the ill. The author does not make this clear from the very beginning, but as you read, you come to realize very soon that the same events are related from the two perspectives.

Besides the love story, Grace and Grit offers a support for caregivers, as they can easily identify with the character Ken, thus being reassured that they are listened to and they are understood. In some paragraphs, Ken specifically tackles his ups and downs, his feelings about getting rid of the burden, about quitting, giving up everything, followed by getting back to the love and understanding for his wife, Treya, leaving behind his career or everything else.

The story has also an informative side, as the two protagonists experiment a number of New Age ideas and practices. As a scientist and researcher and wanting to help Treya as much as he can, Ken puts together a list of alternative treatments to be researched, out of which they experimented a lot until the final scene of the story. There is also a list of different cultures and the meanings or interpretations they would assign to cancer: Christian, New Age, Medical, Karma, Psychological, Gnostic, Existential, Holistic, Magical, Buddhist, and Scientific.

The end is dramatic, with Treya’s death and the reaction of her beloved ones, with Ken’s spiritual enlightening and his promise that he will always find her. It is a truly motivating book, not only for the diseased and caregivers but for other people as well, it is a book that you don’t forget that easily.   

 

I believe internet is a wonderful place. Here you can find things you search for and things you did not ever imagine that existed. This morning, I came across a post in a forum, which made me wish to write this page. It was somebody, giving a website address, asking readers for feedback, as he wished to improve his site. I took a look and I could not believe my eyes: it was a site about getting revenge on your ex. You could even buy a revenge kit, with guaranteed effect and anonymity preserving. There was also an affiliate program for those who might have wanted to earn some money from selling the revenge kits. He guaranteed that you would feel much better after using the kit’s powers on your ex, which I doubt from at least reasons:’

1. Revenge means looking back. It shows that you are not really detached from your past, since you still relate to it in your present actions. Directing your actions towards the past brings nothing but stagnation. Imagine what if my business went bad last year and now I’m spending all my time in scenarios about what would have happened if we did this or that? If instead of learning the lesson and move on to do better this year, I would spend my time trying to point at and to punish the guilty ones? This would be the end of my business, I bet you think that. Then, why would anybody choose to stop living and waste a lot of creative thinking in thoughts of hate and revenge?
2. Revenge damages your internal organs. Your ex became an ex because there were bad things that he or she did to you, or because of his/her annoying behaviour, or because he or she cheated on you. Whatever the reasons, they are not reasons for joy, that’s for sure. When you plan a revenge, you bring into the front of your mind those unpleasant memories, to which your body would immediately respond. Think of such a moment: don’t you feel your heart beating a bit faster? Or a slight nervousness taking over your body? You had your share of nerves in the past; why to extend that on to the present, which is supposed to be better, once you got rid of your annoying ex? How often do you tell to yourself I hate my ex girlfriend?
3. There is a big probability that you obtain the opposite effect by revenge. If you do that and your ex finds out it was you, then he or she will be happy once more for having taken the decision to separate from you, it will be a confirmation of the fact that you were not good enough (and now, look! I have one more proof for that). If this is the only thing bothering you, then you may be one of the happy buyers of that kit which would help you stay anonymous.

I think that the best revenge ever and the best reward I could give to myself for taking such a wise decision as separating from a future ex who does not fulfil my needs, would be to get out of his/her life for good. Yes, I want a reward for being so wise, so I would give myself the privilege of never looking back to ugly moments, to remember only what was good, to learn my lesson from the bad and move on to live a new, happy life I’m sure that I deserve. A happy life is to look at the present moment, to enjoy what we have and what we live right now, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Yesterday and tomorrow are not worth worrying about: yesterday is already gone, so nothing can be changed about it and tomorrow never comes. When it will come, it will be called today, so we can never action tomorrow. Today and now are the words which, combined with action, can lead to a better life.

Think of those ill people who just find out that they still have to live a few months. What would you do if it was you in that position? Would you spend even two minutes of that time planning a revenge? I very much doubt that and I’m sure so do you. If all people would focus on the bright side of life, I bet we would be all part of a much more happier and funnier world, with more reasons for joy and well-being.