Questallia

I believe internet is a wonderful place. Here you can find things you search for and things you did not ever imagine that existed. This morning, I came across a post in a forum, which made me wish to write this page. It was somebody, giving a website address, asking readers for feedback, as he wished to improve his site. I took a look and I could not believe my eyes: it was a site about getting revenge on your ex. You could even buy a revenge kit, with guaranteed effect and anonymity preserving. There was also an affiliate program for those who might have wanted to earn some money from selling the revenge kits. He guaranteed that you would feel much better after using the kit’s powers on your ex, which I doubt from at least reasons:’

1. Revenge means looking back. It shows that you are not really detached from your past, since you still relate to it in your present actions. Directing your actions towards the past brings nothing but stagnation. Imagine what if my business went bad last year and now I’m spending all my time in scenarios about what would have happened if we did this or that? If instead of learning the lesson and move on to do better this year, I would spend my time trying to point at and to punish the guilty ones? This would be the end of my business, I bet you think that. Then, why would anybody choose to stop living and waste a lot of creative thinking in thoughts of hate and revenge?
2. Revenge damages your internal organs. Your ex became an ex because there were bad things that he or she did to you, or because of his/her annoying behaviour, or because he or she cheated on you. Whatever the reasons, they are not reasons for joy, that’s for sure. When you plan a revenge, you bring into the front of your mind those unpleasant memories, to which your body would immediately respond. Think of such a moment: don’t you feel your heart beating a bit faster? Or a slight nervousness taking over your body? You had your share of nerves in the past; why to extend that on to the present, which is supposed to be better, once you got rid of your annoying ex? How often do you tell to yourself I hate my ex girlfriend?
3. There is a big probability that you obtain the opposite effect by revenge. If you do that and your ex finds out it was you, then he or she will be happy once more for having taken the decision to separate from you, it will be a confirmation of the fact that you were not good enough (and now, look! I have one more proof for that). If this is the only thing bothering you, then you may be one of the happy buyers of that kit which would help you stay anonymous.

I think that the best revenge ever and the best reward I could give to myself for taking such a wise decision as separating from a future ex who does not fulfil my needs, would be to get out of his/her life for good. Yes, I want a reward for being so wise, so I would give myself the privilege of never looking back to ugly moments, to remember only what was good, to learn my lesson from the bad and move on to live a new, happy life I’m sure that I deserve. A happy life is to look at the present moment, to enjoy what we have and what we live right now, not yesterday and not tomorrow. Yesterday and tomorrow are not worth worrying about: yesterday is already gone, so nothing can be changed about it and tomorrow never comes. When it will come, it will be called today, so we can never action tomorrow. Today and now are the words which, combined with action, can lead to a better life.

Think of those ill people who just find out that they still have to live a few months. What would you do if it was you in that position? Would you spend even two minutes of that time planning a revenge? I very much doubt that and I’m sure so do you. If all people would focus on the bright side of life, I bet we would be all part of a much more happier and funnier world, with more reasons for joy and well-being.

The theory of broken windows was elaborated by James Q. Wilson and George Kelling, and it sounds like this:
“Consider a building with a few broken windows. If the windows are not repaired, the tendency is for vandals to break a few more windows. Eventually, they may even break into the building, and if it’s unoccupied, perhaps become squatters or light fires inside.
Or consider a sidewalk. Some litter accumulates. Soon, more litter accumulates. Eventually, people even start leaving bags of trash from take-out restaurants there or breaking into cars.”
Furthermore, this theory suggests that as trash and degradation accumulates, it makes people who live in that area to feel more vulnerable. Sensing that, teens become bolder and increasingly harass other people, as they perceive this space as less risky for crime, because they don’t feel that somebody cares to maintain the order. So, it looks like one broken window can lead to crime and degradation, but which is the point when things start to accelerate, the so-called point of no return, beyond which, the growth rate becomes exponential?
Starting from this theory, in year 2000, Malcom Gladwell wrote the book “The Tipping Point, how little things can make a big difference”.
It is amazing to see how the author explains the word of mouth phenomenon by defining and profiling three special psychological types, called by him Connectors, Mavens, and Salesmen. The book explains with examples, how these three types, in conjunction can spread news, or a fashion, or a belief so effectively that when it reaches this “tipping point” it then grows exponentially, it explodes like an epidemic.
Briefly, the Connectors are people who have a large number of acquaintances, Mavens are the experts that know what is all about and who want to talk about that and Salesman are people able to persuade us to buy into something. The applications of this theory can have huge social implications. The author imagines how this can be put in practice into a strategy to stop spreading smoking and explains why actual measures and campaign are useless.

Another interesting theory tackled in the book is the one of the magic number 150. According to this, 150 is the maximum number of individuals we can have authentic social report with. It applies also to big companies: if the employees are organized in departments of maximum 150 people they are more efficient. It seems that after this figure, connections are too many and too hard to maintain in order to establish effective communication within the group. Looking back in time, Gladwell finds out more examples to support this theory, even though it could not be explained.
As a conclusion, Gladwell sketches the possibility that we start our own epidemics by identifying the Connectors, Mavens and Salesmen in people around us; he speaks about the hope we can find in the world of tipping points, the hope that even the smallest change for the better can become the trigger for a whole new better life.
This book influenced me very much and I warmly recommend it to anybody who is curious about sociology, about the power of words or about revolutions.
I am currently working to start an epidemics of my own: as I have recently set up my own company, for this year I have the challenge of finding and properly using my network of Connectors and Mavens, looking forward to the moment when the tipping point will enter in action and preparing for that day.
You can take also a closer example: look at the blogging phenomenon. I read somewhere that 70,000 new blogs appear everyday. Starting a blog is easier than sending a postcard photograph. Isn’t this epidemics already? Go back in time and see if you can discover its tipping point. Can you?

Anger is a natural human emotion, thus a normal reaction of a person to external stimulus. Yet, if not well managed, anger can cause a lot of troubles such as conflicts at workplace, fights in the family, rejection of others, loneliness. Anger damages personal relationships. You may say that in this case, it is desirable to get rid of this emotion for good. Well, things are not quite like this. Think of progress: why do revolutions occur? Because of people getting angry with the current system, wanting to make it better of to change it. Why are there so many discoveries and inventions? Because of some people getting angry with items around them not fulfilling their needs entirely. Aristotle had some great words about anger:

Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.

Briefly, that is anger management. How to do it, that is another story and it needs a lot of practice. Next time you come into a situation that makes you angry, try to follow the next steps:

• Notice the internal changes in your body immediately after being exposed to the anger stimulus. You will probably feel your blood flow intensifying, a raise of your pulse, an intensification of your heartbeats. This step should last for less than a second.
• Don’t react yet, let your brain become fully conscious of the changes within you, take deep breaths and don’t think of anything else than the anger flow within your veins. This step can last a few seconds.
• If you managed to follow the first two steps, you are already less exposed to an anger burst, only due to the simple fact that you became aware of the process of getting angry. And you delayed your reaction with only a few seconds, not more. Now you can think: evaluate the damage. Then think of what more damage your anger burst may bring in additionally. Keep in mind that whatever is upsetting you so badly, it was already done, and that life has no undo command, so you would never ever be able to re-establish the initial state of things.

Now, if you still feel like going furious, do it, but notice the changes in your body. Do you feel the heart pumping a huge flow of blood towards your head? Do you feel your neck veins swallowing while blood crosses them? Do you feel like your eyeballs don’t have enough room in their orbits and tend to come out? And your voice! Pay attention to your voice when shouting: isn’t it funny how it gets higher and higher until a final point where it almost disappears? Hear your words: can you spot anything constructive in your angry speech? I very much doubt that.

The anger moment has gone. Isn’t it true that you are still under its effects? Notice how much time your body needs to relax and to gain back its initial state. I bet you still feel some reactions even 10-15 minutes after the explosion. This means nothing but useless ware for your organs, a burden for your heart and veins, an additional job for your brain. Besides, this does not solve anything, you still have to evaluate the situation and take some adult decisions.

It will probably take you a while until you manage to go through all 5 steps. But if you succeed, it will be a very rewarding experience, trust me. After practicing this enough to become a habit, you can step further and try to eliminate step 4 from the process. What will happen: you’ll get directly to the constructive and positive way of thinking, your feedback will improve and the others will like you more and they will recognize you as a leader, able to show them the way right out of trouble. And your internal organs would be willing to come out to give you a hug! You will save your heart from beating like crazy, your head from preparing to blow up and you’ll protect your vocal cords. Remember that life is nothing more than a chain of experiments: you don’t have to do this for the rest of your life. You set a time for experiment, you do it and evaluate the results. If you are happy, go on. If you are miserable, stop it and try something else. We change with every moment. We re-write our definition with any new idea, with any new experiment, with any new friends or other connections we make. This is being alive in my vision and I challenge you to give it a thought. If you can’t do this, you can always try the alternative offered by the best yoga certification program. Yoga teaches you how to relax and it is highly beneficial for your mind and body.